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CARNEGIE

                                             April 2, 2009
  Dale Carnegie,
  "How to Win Friends and
  Influence People" (1936)

  A book from which we can learn much.

  First of all, we might look at p.56,
  "Nine Suggestions on How to Get
   the Most Out of This Book"
                                                     His intonation is
  Look at the tone of absolute certainty             strikingly similar
  with which he puts over the idea that this         to Heinlein:
  is *the* book, the one and only --
                                                     "Do you know someone you
  There are no nods toward modesty,                  would like to change and
  no ritual caveats like "this book                  regulate and improve?
  is not for everyone"...                            Good! That is fine. I am
                                                     all in favor of it. But
  If you have any problems applying anything         why not begin on
  in this book, the thing to do is re-read           yourself? From a purely
  that chapter, and study your own behavior          selfish standpoint, that
  to figure out what you're doing wrong.             is a lot more profitable
                                                     than trying to improve
        "Remember that the use of these              others-- yes, and a lot
        principles can be made habitual              less dangerous." -- p.27
        and unconscious only by a constant
        and vigorous campaign of review                  They were of the
        and application.  There is no                    same era.  Could
        other way."                                      it have been a
                                                         direct influence?
          -- Dale Carnegie,
             "How to Win Friends and                        (Or perhaps more
             Influence People" (1936)                       likely, they share
                                                            influences, such
                                                            as Mark Twain.)
  In the chapter "Six Ways to
  Make People Like You", he
  proposes that you need to
  be sincerely interested in      One of the Seven
  other people before they'll     Habits of Highly
  even think about you.           Successful Self-Help
                                  Gurus: Number
    He doesn't even mention       Thy Principles.
    the wide range of "hard
    to get" strategies out
    there.

    Why should they care about
    you if you don't care about
    them?  Well, maybe they'll           He begins with anecdotes about
    want to join your club once          his boyhood dog -- and therein
    they find out they can't be          perhaps lies the difficulty.
    a member.
                                         Cat people understand perversity
                                         better than dog people.



                                Dangerbaby suggests that Carnegie's
                                observations may be correct, but
                                that when people try to fake the
                                behavior he recommends you get the
                                legendary "insurance salesman"
                                effect that everyone dreads.

                                       So it could be that on some level
                                       you need to be "a natural", and
                                       studying works like this just
                                       won't get you that far.


                                         The way I would put it:

                                         You need to work
                                         with what you are.

                                         "You use what you've got,
                                         and what you haven't
                                         got, where's the mystery?"
                                                                   
                                         Work with your advantages,       
                                         but also use your defects.       
                                                                        
                                                                 (If you happen
                                                                  to have any.)
                                         
                                         
                                         Trying to teach a critical, reservered
                                         person the trick of wagging your tail
                                         and slobbering happily is not exactly
                                         "dangerous", but it's pushing it.






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