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HELL_OF_DIFF
March 9, 2017
Over here, there's a version
of some material I once posted:
HUMAN_AGENT
It turns out that I have what looks like an earlier
draft of that material.
Hypothetically, I could compare the two versions to
create a third version that's even better.
My experience is that trying to do something like that
is complete hell, it's the worst kind of writing job to
take on: you very quickly lose the ability to tell
what's good and bad, you focus in on tiny details and
lose your feel for the entire flow of the words.
It's really easy, for example, to end up with a piece
that's "tighter" (fewer words, says what it needs to
quickly) but that's strangely clunky and difficult to
read. Just glancing at the earlier version, I can see
that it has a much better conversational flow, with
examples of what I'm talking about explicated... but do
those *help* comprehension, or are they unnecessary
verbiage that bog things down?
Just for the hell of it, I'm going to dive into this
hell right now, and try comparing chunks of the
text. The order of flow of the thoughts looks close
enough that this method could work -- it the two
approaches were more fundamentally different, low-level
comparisions might not work at all.
Early version on the left, posted version on the right:
Many of the troubles with "Male" genre fiction exaggerates
space opera are the troubles human agency, whereas "female"
with male-oriented adventure genre fiction nearly eliminates
fiction: individual human it. In male fiction, the lone
agency is exaggerated. rogue male runs around with a gun
Female-oriented fiction has being tougher, faster and smarter
the opposite problem: for just long enough to resolve
individual agency is every problem and save the
minimized, often nearly day. In female fiction
non-existent. (e.g. shoujo manga) the heroine
*will* land with a high-status
E.g. in shoujo manga, the male, but will take very little
female lead will typically take positive action to achieve this
very little positive action (that's reserved for grasping,
against the bad guys, but manipulative women-- her
frequently they will be won competitors), instead she wins
over by her superior niceness. everyone over with her sheer
They feel guilty or embarassed niceness, including the villains
and give up the fight. Or who she eventually befriends.
alternately, all the on-looking
third parties are won over, and Note that *both* of these
turn against the villain, who are insane: Solve all your
leaves the field in distress at problems entirely by
which point the heroine reaches yourself, without outside
out to her in forgiveness. assistance, because you
just know better than
E.g. the goal of the game (or a main everyone else? Ha. Solve
goal) is to land with a high status all your problems without
male, but the hero is allowed to take effort, with little
very little positive action in that awareness of what's going
direction-- that's reserved for the on? What?
grasping, manipulative villains.
...
The point here is that both of
these have obvious problems, but Consider American foreign
try imagining for a moment what policy: Arguably it's
American foreign policy would be continually contaminated by
like if it were inspired by the the dreams of male adventure
"romance" fiction rather than fiction when it could use a
"adventure" fiction. dose of shoujo: win people
over by example and diplomacy
So one solution for Space Opera instead of driving them away
might be: replace the romantic with heavy-handed attempts at
with romance. manipulation.
...
Consider Gaiman's "Seasons of
the Mist": it's a very
successful, colorful fantasy,
but it skips the usual "hero's
journey" and instead uses a
"romance novel" structure: the
main character is in charge of
a powerful resource (the key to
hell), and various different
factions appear as suitors, and
he must choose one of them.
The later version seems much longer, but that's
largely because it has material tacked on, ROMANCE
one of my great insights from back in 1993.
And actually there are a number of
later versions, not just one. I'm
eliding this bit that came in later:
Really: human knowledge and
capabilities are often too limited
for heroics to achieve much, and
human agency really is fairly
limited in most real cases.
This is true, and it's relevant to
what's under discussion... but
somehow it doesn't *fit*: if you
put it before or after any of the
paragraphs it *changes* something
about what the adjacent ones mean,
it makes the reader wonder where
you're trying to go.
In doomfiles format,
I condemn such things
to sidebars.
This was a clunky attempt at being
Clever, and it's an easy one to cut:
But could it be rephrased?
"replace the romantic with romance:
"Apply the romance version
of the romantic--"
I don't think there's any play
on words there that works; it
just confuses without point.
Sometimes I try things like
"... with a little less of the
Romantic in our romances..."
I *think* the later version is better here, but the earlier one
has that smoother flow I was talking about:
"E.g. the goal of the game (or "In female fiction
a main goal) is to land with (e.g. shoujo manga) the
a high status male, but the heroine *will* land with a
hero is allowed to take very high-status male, but will
little positive action in take very little positive
that direction--" action to achieve this"
This is a bit whether the later revision is much better (I
think I went gender neutral in the first, but that's
premature-- we're talking about "gendered"fiction at that
stage):
"... that's reserved for "(that's reserved for
the grasping, grasping, manipulative
manipulative villains." women-- her competitors)"
This stuff was far too verbose,
but it does make it very clear,
it may even be interesting in it's
own right as shoujo commentary:
"E.g. in shoujo manga, the "... instead she wins
female lead will typically take everyone over with her sheer
very little positive action niceness, including the villains
against the bad guys, but who she eventually befriends."
frequently they will be won
over by her superior niceness. That's much tighter,
They feel guilty or embarassed and I don't regret
and give up the fight. Or going with it, but
alternately, all the on-looking I have a feeling it
third parties are won over, and might confuse people
turn against the villain, who who aren't familiar
leaves the field in distress at with the typical
which point the heroine reaches plots of shoujo.
out to her in forgiveness."
The regularity with which
the shoujo heroine forgives
and forgets someone who
just needs to be shot can
be distressing.
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