Instead of searching for                          ((One of these days,
a perfect person to fit into                        rename this node
my conception of a perfect                          PRETTY_POLY, maybe.))
standard monogamous relationship,
maybe it would make more sense
to think about different structures?

Instead of counting on one person
for everything, why not settle for
a little bit of what you need                Of course, non-conventional
from different people?                       structures pre-supposes
                                             there are some non-conventional
There's one conventional route               people around to fit into them,
to this:  A standard monogamous              and they aren't likely to be
sexual relationship (herein called           all that easy to find, either.
"love") and some less intense, non-
sexual relationships (herein called          So this is all academic?
"freindship").                               Perhaps a bit utopian.

Sometimes it seems like you're not
really allowed to do even this.
Your love gets nervous if you put
too much time in with your friends.

The other popular type of
relationship is bogus
monogamy: various reports
claim about half of the
married folks in the US                      One version of this factoid
have commited adultery.                      has it that it's men, 60%
And that's just a                            and women, 40%.
statistical snap shot: it
can't include people                            Women clearly don't
who've only been married                        get out enough.
a week and haven't had
time to cheat.
                                                       (There are newer
Obvious question: why not just                          versions of these
be honest about the fact that                           factoids with
you have an "open relationship"?                        lower numbers.
                                                        I wouldn't trust
                                                        the new ones, either.)

possible arrangements:                   Examine:
   POLYANDRY                             Various real utopian experiments.
   Polygyny                              19th century free love debate.
   Group Sex
                                      I've written about some of this
                                      under DELANY
                                        &  STRANGER
                                           &  RELIGION
                                               & GROUPS
                                                 & FREE_LOVE

      "But in her dreams, when she had no control over
      her thoughts her position appeared to her in all
      its shocking nakedness. One dream she had almost
      every night.  She dreamt that both at once were
      her husbands, and lavished their caresses on
      her. Alexey Alexandrovich wept, kissing her
      hands, saying: 'How beautiful it is now!' and
      Alexey Vronsky was there too, and he also was her
      husband.  And she was surprised that formerly
      this had seemed impossible to her, and laughingly
      explained to them how much simpler it really was,
      and that they were both now contented and happy.
      But this dream weighed on her like a nightmare,
      and she woke from it filled with horror."

                         ANNA_KARENINA  (1878)

                         pII, ch XII, p136