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LINES


                                          April 26, 2000

Yea gods, have I actually never written anything
yet here on the subject of pickup lines?  Weird.

Anyway, here is the benefit of my extensive
research on the literature on this subject:             "How To Pick Up Girls"
                                                        by Eric Weber (1970,
 (1)  The best "lines" are spontaneous                  revised '80), and
      and are related to what's                         it's sequel (1979).
      going on in the immediate situation.
                                                          One of my favorite
(2)   But if you draw a complete blank on                 pieces of advice,
      something to say, you will need to                  is the suggested
      fall back on a canned, memorized                    line "Hey, do you
      line.                                               want a Qualude?"

(3)   A good line does not sound like you're              It's possible
      trying to be clever, it doesn't even                that these works
      have to be creative.                                are somewhat dated.

      The two most popular lines
      are supposed to be:

             "Can I buy you a drink?"
             "Do you want to dance?"

      The fact that they're well known
      and familiar is what's good about them.

      There's a great lack of
      accepted courtship rituals
      in American culture, and
      you might as well use what
      little exists.

                                                (February 13, 2007)
                                                   
                                                But there's probably still    
                                                more to say than this...    
                                                many are trying to meet       
                                                people in loud night club    
                                                environments where it's         
                                                literally impossible to talk    
                                                to each other.              
                                                              
                                                You only have two
                                                choices: learn to
                                                play charades, or
                                                just go somewhere
                                                else.

                                                    Actually, it might
                                                    be funny to try
                                                    passing written
                                                    notes.

                                                    And of course,
                                                    Kids These Days
                                                    probably send
                                                    text messages
                                                    back and forth
                                                    across the dance
                                                    floor.


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