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RESPONSIBILITIES_OF_FAKES

                                             March  6, 2022


A recent dream:

I'd signed up somewhere as a student, with
the intention of just faking it for a while--
I didn't care about studying the subject,
there was just a paticular teacher there I
wanted to make contact with.

I walk into the exam late, and pick up a test
paper with the intention of just writing a note
on it in a place I know this teacher will see.

There are multiple proctors buzzing around
looking at me curiously-- I began to feel it
might not be cool to write that note.  I started
just taking the exam.

I don't remember the material being difficult--
maybe it was a subject I knew already-- but the
exam ended soon after I started.  I was even
later than I thought.  I just folded the exam
paper and stashed it in my stuff-- there was
no point in turning it in.

One of the proctors came by and said "you have to
stop writing and turn in the exam now".  I just
explained I was going to bother, I was way too late.

Then some of the other proctors came over,
continuing to wonder about my behavior-- I could see
where they were going, I was creating a problem for
them-- what were my excuses?  Should they consider
giving me a make-up exam?

I tried to explain: "No seriously, this is
entirely my fault, I'm not asking for any special
treatment--"

Another one came up behind me and said, sounding
impressed: "Suddenly, I want to give you special
treatment."

I was realizing belatedly that using this class
for my own purposes was disrespectful to the
people who were trying to administer it seriously.

("In dreams begin responsibilities"?)



             And this dream is recognizeable as a riff off of
             the material in the Korean drama Melancholia that
             we've been watching-- though I don't have the
             sense that my purpose in making contact with this
             teacher was anything like the romantic plot there:
             it wasn't about resolving an old unrequited love.






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